He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
