u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
