I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
