Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
