He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize