you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
