atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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