I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize