You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
