Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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