Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
