Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
