just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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