I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
