Midget sex pt 2 tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
