I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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