laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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