What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
