she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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