Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
