I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
