So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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