I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
