I'm going to jail i love you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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