There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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