Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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