he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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