I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
