i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
