I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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