You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
