there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
