the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
