It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is wine microwaveable?
i dont even know how to be here
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
