? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
