clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
