I seem to have left my pride at pride
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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