Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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