Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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