everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it because I queefed?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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