i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
