I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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