I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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