I wanna passion pit in your ass
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
