Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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