I can tuck mytits in my pants
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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