i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
