Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is my gift to your gina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
