I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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