I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im part way to drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
