i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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