Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
