I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
