I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
