I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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