Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
