i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
