There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize