She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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