My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
