Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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