No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
