I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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