genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
