Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Never underestimate the power of titties
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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