Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
