Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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